Just a thought ..

It's hard to say who the true and real me is at this moment in time as my life has been changing, quickly and dramatically, every single day for the last year and a half. I had thought I was finally on a placid lake of consistency - which I have yearned for since I was a child - but found it was actually an ocean of chaos.

Do you know that moment when life seems to swivel, swirl and settle amidst the sanguine sweetness of youth surpassed and decayed decadent wisdom come to be?

Have you gripped it? Have you brought it to your lips and ground it between your teeth - in savagery - to better be able to rape its last taste into your spirit?

Have you caressed it? Cajoled it close and allowed it to sweep away the traces of bitter reason and treason left within your heart from elsewhere?

Have you let it slip away? Lost among the shadows of your former selves? Lost among the weak, the liars, cheats, scoundrels? Lost among the forgotten who have come to pass and who will never be again?

Or do you hold it now, surreptitiously, as fragile as the delicate wings of a whizzing hummingbird? Hoping for a chance .. hoping you don't fumble it as you have done every other time .. and shatter it .. bleed it .. breed the broken pieces until there is nothing left but pain and sorrow once again.