"Money for nothin' and chicks for free"

Wow! So I wrote some stuff and put it on my web-site and then took it off because it was really bitter and hard. I feel hurt and get angry and then blast my way out from my internal hell place to pour it upon the world as if I was in medieval days tossing the bedpan contents from a 2nd story window. Some of it is definitely how I feel .. some of it is just sewage that overfills and spews free. I'm putting it here for a moment in time so I can really come back at it as if it were someone elses creation. Like .. written down it shows a different perspective than what's stuck in my head a lot of times? **Update: 6/5/05 .. so .. I took away the bitter, or all that I can "feel" is bitter and am keeping my ideal .. I think I'm going to update these posts as my world, external and internal, changes .. hopefully all for the better now. These past few years have had so many tremendous hurts and bad spots it's kind of surprising - now to me - that I even held on as well as I have. And that I am even alive today. I know it was mostly thanks to BJ, Cassandra, my Mom, Meghan, MacKenna, Katie-did and Jakky. I love you guys .. thanks so much for everything .. ::grin:: I know most of y'all will never see this but it has to be said. For me.**

I feel like relationships are more than "I love you". There should be total communication, sharing, baring, wear, fair and fare through "thick and thin", "Sickness and Health", up and down. A true committment and togetherness .. being part of a world with each other. A unity of self, soul and spirit with only your partner even when the going gets rough. Working, and walking, through the hurts to the happy. Trying to fix the parts that are broken .. even if its not you that's broken. Sticking it out as part of a "couple".

A single person dating is free to be as they wish, with whomever they wish and whenever they wish. Coming and going without questions or notice. Dropping a man or woman as soon as it gets rough. No committment to all aspects of their life, no commingling of their life with their "date", no giving of their deep personal self.

If someone shares their deepest totality with someone other than you then you are not in a relationship, they are .. and you are single. If someone is not "allowed" to "be with you" at any time and in every sense of the word because of another person .. then they are with the other person still .. and you are single.