Day and Night Dreams

I close my eyes and snuggle deep, squeezing my Teddy Bear - BJ - into my arms, or my pillow, or my coverlet all bunched up and wrapping my legs and body around them. Imagining I'm breathing in the scent of heated man, feeling a soft cotton t-shirt under my face and hands, large and comfortable, safe and solid. Real. And I'm not alone .. falling asleep .. just like I have been for three or four years .. possibly more .. all alone when I fall asleep. I try hard to imagine the warmth and love .. the only thing that keeps my nightmares away. Breathing deep, breathing evenly, my heart slowing its race, my eyes growing very heavy, my face and body flushed and wriggling more into that "sweet" spot .. and I fall away into darkness.

Into my hole. Where I am safe.