"Accidentally in love .."
Yup. That's a song from the movie, Shrek 2. Every time I hear it lately, I cry. I'm not sure I was meant to fall in love with Shrek .. because I'm not just Fionna .. I've got Donkey's personality in me also. Nobody can love someone who doesn't fall into the norm or what is expected all the time, right? Yeah, I've done the mouth popping thing too. Till someone screams at me. ::grins and shrugs:: I profess to being totally immature and irritating - mmmm - some?
I'm trying to close myself off from humanity but it's not really working. I keep hoping that I can become that cold, emotionless, robot-like human I was before I met my boyfriend .. but I'm just not able to. I found this fountain of hope that keeps welling up from somewhere deep inside and I keep dog-paddling without the drowning sensation. Yeah, it's pretty bad and, yeah, I may not make it without a job very much longer but I keep sending out resumes.
I started dieting and working out now also. I've been cleaning up and out - pricing things for a garage sale, tossing things away or into a Goodwill bag. I'm trying to survive an avalanche with a mountain climbers attitude but a chain-smoking, comatose and disease infected life. So no matter how peppy "Mary Poppins" is there just ain't any dang sugar and the medicine tastes like feces. And not the good roasted kind. ::laugh::
I'm trying to close myself off from humanity but it's not really working. I keep hoping that I can become that cold, emotionless, robot-like human I was before I met my boyfriend .. but I'm just not able to. I found this fountain of hope that keeps welling up from somewhere deep inside and I keep dog-paddling without the drowning sensation. Yeah, it's pretty bad and, yeah, I may not make it without a job very much longer but I keep sending out resumes.
I started dieting and working out now also. I've been cleaning up and out - pricing things for a garage sale, tossing things away or into a Goodwill bag. I'm trying to survive an avalanche with a mountain climbers attitude but a chain-smoking, comatose and disease infected life. So no matter how peppy "Mary Poppins" is there just ain't any dang sugar and the medicine tastes like feces. And not the good roasted kind. ::laugh::
More tomorrow. Definitely.
Cher has returned.
posted by Decayed Decadence | 9:43 PM
3 Comments:
>>I'm trying to close myself off from humanity but it's not really working. I keep hoping that I can become that cold, emotionless, robot-like human I was before I met my boyfriend .. but I'm just not able to.<<
well sisaroonie, you know how I feel about this, and it's obvious lack of healthy behavior.
Besides that, you know we love you for the warm, caring person you are.
And there's nothing saying a person has to fit into the 'norms' for someone else to fall in love with them. Look at me, I'm in love with an idea of a person I've never met!
I know .. I suck at trying to balance the Harmony of Me. ::laughs softly and shrugs:: You and Jakky of any of my family knows this.
I was told, and fully realized myself, this weekend that I am a Romantic .. possibly a True one. I don't believe I could shut myself down again even if I could totally focus on one thing and try. ::grin::
I decided I'm not even going to try and be "normal" or anyone elses idea and ideal of "perfect" either physically or emotionally. I used to think I had to fit a mold .. but .. its not about fitting. It's about two people being able to compromise and share .. whether its life, pain, love or death.
If I am with someone I want to know that the love is unconditional .. it just is and has no ending just because I lose a leg, lose my spirit or more than likely my sight or memory. I'm sliding down that road now, I think.
Call me infantile .. but I like the thought of a love as deep, everlasting and true as the one in "Somewhere in Time" or "The Notebook". Not these instant gratification emotions, commitments and relationships that are easy to throw away when some things are not to ones liking.
I want to be married .. I want to have a companion for when I get older. I'm not sure I will find a man or woman who will love me like those people did in those movies .. but .. passion and soulful emotions and romance don't seem to be all that wonderful anyways. Maybe its not so bad to "settle" for "less"?
I love you, sisarooni .. and I thank you for all the years you have "been". With or without me .. the world is a better place for a spirit such as you in it.
Settling implies your hopes and dreams are too lofty or overblown, and you should give them up to find happiness.
All that accomplishes is slowly killing your hopes and dreams.
Yours are just as valid and attainable as anyone else's, and you should never - ever - let anyone or anything make you think they aren't, or that you are unworthy of them.
Régarde les étoiles, et demande toi-si.
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