Everything that glitters is not gold ..

Will you be mine in the morning?
Will it last that long?
This passionate beat of two as one.

The loss of a heart along with the soul.
Can you count the cost ..
Of not being whole?

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Yeah. So I've been writing a little here and there .. more so in the last few weeks. Mindless games on Facebook to fill in gaps, thinking thoughts through my head - vast and varied - and had started the poem above - but I think I'll let it just fade away. Incomplete .. as was the reason for the writing of it.

I'm starting to see that there are so many people out there that tend to think of relationships as fast food faire. Like love, or closeness, can be picked up at a drive thru .. and when you eat what you want you toss the remainder away. And you have to go back again and again .. never truly satisfied with what you get .. because its junk food. Quick and easy.

Someday .. I am going to be the meat, potatos, salad, watermelon, pie, ice cream and ice cold tea for someone. There's not going to be short cuts and impatience. There will be true understanding, respect, patience, love, depth, comittment, sharing, faith, trust, morals, ethics, family and so much more. Not sure if there are any real men .. true men .. honest and scrupulous men out there .. that aren't interested in just a moment until the next best thing comes along. Yes, I know, "Oooo shiney".

I was thinking it was me for a while now that was the reason for relationship failures .. and sometimes it has been .. but I've talked to more than a few of my ex's now and they *still to this day* do not make me feel inferior, inadequate, inconsequential, unbeautiful or unworthy. We may not be together for differing reasons .. but .. they have all concurred that the ones that I let go .. and could not even stand to be friends with .. were not good men deep inside.

So, I realized .. its not just that a man has to be strong enough to be with someone as wyld and willful, sweet and sinful, hard and soft .. all the sides of me that make me "me" .. its that the one thing, above any other thing (No hurting my children, no hurting me, no cheating, no lies, no drugs, no alcoholic, no stealing) in my life that I truly need in a man .. which actually covers all the rest .. is goodness.

I ain't talking going to church and praising whatever god you choose goodness .. because church and believing in a god does not make you a good man, or woman, since there have been many atrocities - and many even unto this day - done in the name of a god.

I am talking about a man who would lay down his life for another human being without thinking of the cost to himself, I am talking about a man who is hard and consistent but also soft and spontaneous when it comes to children or their woman - just to see their smiles, I am talking about a man who can speak what he says and says what he speaks, I am talking about a man who can offer more than empty words .. he can "bring it" and I am talking about a man who can stay true to a woman .. and love her truly, deeply, madly, sincerely .. forever and always.

Perhaps I am talking about the impossible. That's always possible. ::grins and shrugs:: I just know I have seen the possibilities of what the rest of my life could be like .. and that I think I would like another relationship again, even marriage, and am not afraid to "bring it" if I come across a man who is really, really .. welp .. real.