Today's quote (I know it's been a while)

"Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." - Jose Addison

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Hmm .. I need the first, I have lots of children, family and friends to love and .. welp .. hope is one of those commodities that - on the surface - appears to be totally lost. Then you realize that "I ain't dead yet" feeling every time you wake up, every time you make it through a day, every time you struggle, every time you are put down to rise again, every time you are ground into nothing, every time you are left for dead .. and you know you can survive for another day. Just one more day. Eventually hope will become lost though .. eventually that which doesn't kill you and only makes you suffer will make you stronger. Strong enough to walk away each time without looking back more and more. It just gets easier.

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I despise liars, cheaters, thieves, abusers and users. And I've come to despise myself for my requited resig­na­tion that I conspire within me by consorting with any of them because of a deceptively fragile ego and the need to be dedicated, loyal and caring to a bond that grows weaker with each passing lie. Especially when they do not show me the respect enough to not lie about things that are supposedly insubstantial and use the "just your delusions" crap because they don't want to upset me, etc .. What a freakin' MAJOR cop out! If you can't be strong enough to admit to things that would hurt, anger, distance me and instead carry on some facade of truth and innocence like your shit don't stink (Sorry, a Texan term there) then go sell your self-gratifying and pitying sob stories to someone else who'll give a damn.

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I think that at this time the idea of spending the rest of my life alone feels 1,000 times better than even another day being miserable because someone has so little respect for me, themselves and for any type of relationship we might share that they lie to me, verbally stab and abuse me and then foist it off as being all my fault. Regardless of the disclaimer of how badly their life is doing .. "What good or evil comes back to you tenfold". I can give and surround someone with my inner goodness and warding but when all the smoke clears all that's left is the person holding the gun. Kill me, kill yourself .. whatever .. it's still by your own hand.

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Choices.